Pleasers come in all shapes and sizes. Managers who lie awake nights because they are terrified of confrontations and parents who have trouble keeping order at home because they don’t want their kids to be angry with them.
Their reasons for wanting to make people happy differ. For some, it is something learned in childhood. For others, their attempt to make everyone happy is a way of being polite.
But when you have a tendency to please everyone, always say yes (even to the things you don’t really want to do) and avoid speaking out because you don’t want to offend people then find here are 5 things to remember:
1 You are not responsible for the emotions of others
Whether you tend to do everything your partner wants or you strive for all your colleagues to like you, your please habit means taking too much responsibility. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions, you cannot make everyone happy.
It is up to other people to deal with uncomfortable feelings such as disappointment or anger. It is not your job to protect them from these things.
2 Pleasers are easy to manipulate
You can often recognize a pleaser from a kilometer away – and the more often someone says yes to requests, the more they are asked. Pleasers are easy targets. Some people ask if you want to please them by saying, “I’m sorry I have to ask you this, but …” or “I wouldn’t dare ask anyone else and you’re such a good friend.”
When you are imposed on guilt when you do something or you almost get the feeling that you can feel honored that you can do this for someone, you are too easily manipulated by people who feel that you like others.
3 Whatever choices you make, you can never keep everyone happy.
There is no decision, product or service that makes everyone happy. One likes a product, the other doesn’t like it. Your mother doesn’t like your new job, while your boyfriend thinks it’s a good idea. Of course, you want to hear their advice, but you have to do what’s right for you. It is not your job to make everyone happy.
4 Trying to
please everyone is exhausted When you try to please everyone, you will be exhausted mentally. The more you think about how your decision might affect others or how you should make your decision in the least hurtful way, you are wasting precious energy. Worrying about conversations or constantly replaying conversations that have already been will cost you energy. You can achieve much more if you don’t consider the whole world all the time.
5 When you make an effort to please everyone, you are actually a bit selfish.
People don’t want to say no because they are afraid that they look selfish. But the urge to always be liked and liked is actually a bit selfish.
Saying yes to things you don’t really want to do will cause you to hold a little grudge. And that will eventually damage your relationships. Having healthy boundaries in a relationship – even if someone gets angry at one point – is much less selfish.
Be honest with yourself. Pleasing others is often because you have lost your own values. It can be difficult to learn to deal with people who are angry with you, but it is essential if you want to progress in life. Your words and actions must correspond to who you are, then you can really live the way you want and are.